This is what I think when students say they're majoring in philosophy.
I tried to bang my girlfriend when she asked me to help her open a jar. It didn't work. Porn isn't very realistic.
Things will get better. I promise.
I have probably the three most passive roommates on the planet. Instead of fixing anything, we just bitch about one another behind each other's backs. I feel like if we all sat down and actually told each other what we really think, it would be like jungle world from Mean Girls.
I've never drank a Coors when the moutains were blue.
I miss George Bush.
What I don't understand is why athletes feel the need to wear team issued clothing and sweatpants to class everyday. Apparently if you're on a sports team and you always show it your street cred goes up +6.
Girls in fitted jeans are so much hotter than girls in yoga pants. Come on ladies, at least look like you put some effort into your outfit.
If you have the words "swag" "yolo" or "the real" in your Twitter or Facebook name I assume that you're an idiot beyond saving.
Foreign students need better instruction on crosswalk and right-of-way etiquette.
I listen to Odd Future while having sex.
I've been sleeping with 2 guys that live within a block of each other.
Mother nature plays harder to get than most of the guys in this town.
As a male TA, I have a lot of female students I'd like to screw.
I still avoid using green and purple pens/highlighters together because they are "Barney" colors.