Confession# 2265
I tried to bang my girlfriend when she asked me to help her open a jar. It didn't work. Porn isn't very realistic.
Confession# 2264
Things will get better. I promise.
Confession# 2263
I have probably the three most passive roommates on the planet. Instead of fixing anything, we just bitch about one another behind each other's backs. I feel like if we all sat down and actually told each other what we really think, it would be like jungle world from Mean Girls.
Confession# 2262
I've never drank a Coors when the moutains were blue.
Confession# 2260
What I don't understand is why athletes feel the need to wear team issued clothing and sweatpants to class everyday. Apparently if you're on a sports team and you always show it your street cred goes up +6.
Confession# 2259
Girls in fitted jeans are so much hotter than girls in yoga pants. Come on ladies, at least look like you put some effort into your outfit.
Confession# 2258
If you have the words "swag" "yolo" or "the real" in your Twitter or Facebook name I assume that you're an idiot beyond saving.
Confession# 2257
Foreign students need better instruction on crosswalk and right-of-way etiquette.
Confession# 2256
I listen to Odd Future while having sex.
Confession# 2254
Mother nature plays harder to get than most of the guys in this town.
Confession# 2253
As a male TA, I have a lot of female students I'd like to screw.
Confession# 2252
I still avoid using green and purple pens/highlighters together because they are "Barney" colors.